It’s totally normal to want to have a baby. It’s like, an instinct. You yourself just said that you’re not ready. Being happy about having a baby is so normal. Having a baby is a wonderful thing… when you are ready.
And having a baby isn’t just fun and games. It’s hard work, and very stressful - I’m 22, married, and my daughter was 100% planned, and it’s so stressful. Now just think of dealing with a newborn, while still in high school, and trying to juggle a job (that you’re GOING to need if you have a baby).
I don’t know you and your boyfriend’s relationship at all. And I don’t want ANYONE to get offended by this - but it’s extremely common for teen parents to break up either before or not long after their baby is born. I’m not saying that would happen to you, or that it happens to everyone, but it’s definitely something you need to think about. Is your relationship ready to deal with the stress of a child? I’m going to guess no, because most teen relationships aren’t.
Babies are expensive before they’re even born. Up until I was about 36 weeks pregnant, my husband and I were basically completely unprepared for our daughter to be born. We got extremely lucky and had about $300-$500 worth of clothes given to us by friends, but if we didn’t have those friends, we would have had to invest all that money ourselves. Even after all of the things that were given to us, we still had to pay for about $1,000 worth of things before she was born. Things that were all completely necessary. And we didn’t even buy most things new. (Other than the car seat/stroller, which is something you wouldn’t want to buy used).
Since you’re a teen, I’m assuming you’re covered by your parent’s health insurance, meaning all of your doctor’s appointments will probably not cost you anything except co-pays. But once your baby is born, that won’t be the case. That baby will be 100% dependent on YOU for everything. Can you afford to pay full price, out of pocket for all of your son or daughter’s appointments? What about if they get sick? Can you afford, again, to pay full price, out of pocket for medications? Here is a site to give you a little bit of a reality check on just how expensive ER/urgent care visits can be with no insurance.
Now, you have to think about if you’re going to formula feed or breast feed. Formula feeding is pretty pricey, but a lot of people think it’s more convenient than breast feeding. There’s programs (such as WIC, if you live in the US) that can help you buy formula, if you qualify. While they don’t give you all the formula you’ll need, it definitely cuts the cost a lot. If you decide to breast feed, you’re going to have to be around your baby pretty much all the time… unless you pump and bottle feed. Pumps are expensive, but again… WIC can help you out with that, too. If I didn’t have WIC, I’d be spending $150+ a month on formula. However, if you’re still living with mom and dad, WIC (and all other forms of government assistance applications) will take their income into account as well, and you may not qualify.
Another thing to think about is cloth diapers vs. disposable diapers. Cloth diapers are initially more expensive, but save you money in the long run, while disposable diapers are generally more convenient. A cloth diaper stash generally costs anywhere from $300-$500 and can be used until the child is potty trained. When I used disposable diapers, I spent around $50-$80 a month on diapers/wipes for my daughter. Now I use cloth - I’ve spent about $150 on my stash, and I won’t need to buy more diapers. Unless I want to, of course.
Now… the inevitable question. Where are you going to get all this money!? You’ll obviously have to get a job, if you don’t have one already. What will you do with your son or daughter after they’re born and you need to go to work? Daycare? That costs money, meaning you’ll probably need to put in more hours at work… but the more hours at work, the more your child will need to be at daycare. If you and the baby’s father will both be working, you could plan to work opposite schedules… but then you have the stress on your relationship of never seeing each other. If your parents live nearby and they’re willing to watch the baby while you work, then you’re one of the lucky ones… but again - who do you want raising your child; you, or your parents?
I’m assuming you’re still in high school. Where will your baby go while you’re in school? Would you drop out? Would you go to an alternative school for young mothers?
Do you plan on going to college at some point? College with a baby isn’t impossible, not at all… but it’s difficult. You have to either take online classes, or put your child in daycare while you’re in class. I’m definitely not saying college is a necessity, though.
I know you already said that you know you’re not financially ready, but I’m just trying to really put some things into perspective for you.
